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| To The Men In My Life |
| 04.08.05 (7:29 am) [edit] |
Jonathan,
I'm tired of being last on your list of priorities. I'm tired of never having a place in your decisions. It's time I started worrying about my own damn self like you do and do what's best for me. I'm tired of being accused of being selfish when I share everything I have with you, and try to share more but you won't let me. I'm tired of living in this safehouse. I'm tired of you not caring for my struggles while I'm here trying to have more with you and your off playing college kid. You have no intentions of even making that first step, but you have every intention of practically living here and having all the sex with me I'll let you,,, but your not getting this milk for free anymore. Go on and find whatever the hell it is you are looking for and stop wasting my life. I hope you find someone who will make you happy. And I hope they are in Murfreesboro. And from now on I'm going to worry about what makes me happy.
Tom,
I'm tired of your judging me and persecuting me. You always want me until you have me and then you drop me the first chance you get. I'm tired of being everything you want one day and then someone you can't live with the next. and I'm sick and tired of you coming into my life and reeking havok, playing mind games, messing with my emotions, and then skipping off on your merry little way until you get bored and decide to play with me a little more. And I'm tired of loving you no matter what you do to me...
My 3 boys,
I'm sorry I've put so much energy and time into my relationships, worrying about love, and all along your growing up under my noses. I'm tired of missing it because I'm so stressed out about some guy who can never give me the love and acceptance that you three do. I'm sorry that all this time I've spent on looking for love, I had it right here with you, and neglected it. I'm sorry I've looked for someone to complete me and love me unconditionally when all this time you do. I'm sorry and I see what I have done.
God,
Please forgive me for all my wrong doings. Please forgive me for not reallizing happiness begins with you and so does all other things. Please forgive me for my past that everyone else seems to keep reminding me of, and please help me to forget it and be a better person. God, please let me reallize that I am not alone. And please forgive me for neglecting you.
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| .:SafeHouse:. |
| 04.01.05 (6:09 pm) [edit] |
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Coldness entraps my ears
To silence of the safehouse.
Quietly rocking to the humming,
Humming that song of the broken heart.
So how do you protect
What has already been broken ?
And how do you keep that which
Has already been stolen?
And which way to find
That which is lost?
Alone in the quiet
Safe from the outside intrusion,
Safe from all that can harm,
Secretly listening for that knock,,,
That knock that you so dread and so long for.
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