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| .:Imagine the Rain:. |
| 05.31.04 (2:10 pm) [edit] |
I know that I write alot about rain.. but you don't have to read it...
I wrote this about two weeks ago and I lost it.. so it's a late entry.
.:Imagine the Rain:.
Watching the clouds move in,
A feeling of peacefullness sweeps over me.
I feel the breeze on my face,
and I hear the wind
As it's breath hits the trees dancing
Dreamily with the leaves.
Slowly and softly at first
With it's whispers of a coming promise.
I hear the tapping as a light and misty rain
Begins it's melody on the ground.
I smell it...
I hear it...
I close my eyes and suddenly a thunderous echo of applause rushes my senses taking my breath away.
I feel the heavy beating upon my skin.
And I stand there captivated
By the sensation of what started out
A subtle insinuation of an idea
Is now very much an aggressive overtaking.
Covering the earth with its magic,
Filling the air with it's presence,
Removing the acknowledgment of any other sensation,
Chasing away any form of awareness...
I am lost,,,
But I am found...
Lost to everything that was before this possession,
But found completely and nutured by an unkown comforter.
I feel myself forgetting everything...
All that is real to me in this moment is the steady drums of the rainfall, the cool wet breeze against my skin, the clean sensation of the water washing over me, and the breath of enchantment.
I hear the thunder rolling becoming louder shaking every particle of my being, weakening my knees,,, I almost fall from the powerful voice taking control of my mind.
And then it hits me...
A lightening strike numbing my body and awakening places inside me that I never knew existed arousing an awareness that has never been known to me.
I feel it...
Coursing inside me,,,
Filling me with a power nonexistent to mortal touches or even concieved by touch.
A feeling that can only be felt from the inside of the very depths of the unreachable.
I see you...
Then suddenly almost as if waking from a dream,
I am shaken by the quickened stop which is as unexpected as the start.
I hear the echo fading into nowhere that I can follow,
Disipating, seemingly further away.
I reach out but there is nothing to grasp,
I open my eyes and watch it fade away
All the while wondering why I can't hold something that can hold me so intently...
Finally with saddened eyes I reallize it's gone...
Looking around me the stabbing gut wrench snaps me back into the real world..
What left behind in the mud and the gloom of nothingness..
A puddle, muddy ground, slippery grass, and a longing to possess something that is unpossessable.
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| .:Silver Links:. |
| 05.25.04 (7:27 pm) [edit] |
Silver Links between my teeth...
An all too familiar taste on my tongue unwantingly violtating my senses... again..
But I love it so don't I?
Metal clanking upon my teeth... the cool harshness upon my lips...
A bad thing followed by a good feeling...
Contradicting... a contradiction...
Silver links between my teeth..
Blood on my lips..
Violations of my mind and senses...
Desicration of my heart...
Silver links between my teeth...
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| .:Darkness:. |
| 05.16.04 (1:46 pm) [edit] |
Why do you abandon me?
Now when I need you?
As usual, all there is to me is light...
I close the doors,
I close the windows,
I close my eyes... I close my mind;
Only to have you blinding me still.
Your wretched shinning raining down on me,,,
Do you not see that I hide?
You force me out of darkness,
A place I find comfort and solitude.
Into the uncomfort and restlessness...
Fucking shinning on me... how dare you!
If I had not sought this shadow I would have left it's wings...
Leave me,,, go now and let me wallow in pity and loneliness.
Let me weep in solitude and nonexistence.
I love it here,, I hate it when you show through the crevasses of my hole in the ground...
Intruding on my solice...
Quieting my silent screams....
So why do I miss you so?
Insanity to love this place, but miss that one..
I heard you knocking this morning...
begging me to rejoin the living.. I heard the knock..
And I did not answer although I loved the mere presence of you outside my hearts door.
Lingering here in the dark,,,
Hiding until you are gone...
I watch you leave... all along.. scared to death this will be the last time you knock at my door...
I curl up and hide again...
Waiting for the next time...
Wondering how long it will be until you knock again...
Or if you will...
The light slowly fades to darkness once more.. and I sleep again...
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| Poem |
| 05.16.04 (1:17 pm) [edit] |
Hath any loved you well, down there,
Summer or winter through?
Down there, have you found any fair
Laid in the grave with you?
Is death's long kiss a richer kiss
Than mine was wont to be-
Or have you gone to some far bliss
And quite forgotten me?
What soft enamoriing of sleep
Hath you in some soft way?
What charmed death holdeth you with deep
Strange lure by night and day?
A little space below the grass,
Out of the sun and shade;
But worlds away from me, alas,
Down there where you are laid.
The broad quaint odorous leaves like hands
Weaving the fair day through,
Weave sleep no burnished bird withstands,
While death weaves sleep for you;
And many a strange rich breathing sound
Ravishes morn and noon:
And in that place you must have found
Death a delicious swoon-
Hold me no longer for a word
I used to say or sing:
Ah, long ago you must have heard
So many a sweeter thing:
For rich earth must have reached your heart
And turned the faith to flowers;
And warm wind stolen, part by part,
Your soul through faithless hours.
And many a soft seem must have won
Soil of some yielding thought,
To bring a bloom up to the sun
That else had ne'er been brought;
And, doubtless, many a passionate hue
Hath made that place more fair,
Making some passionate part of you
Faithless to me down there.
From "song from Chartivel"
MARIE DE FRANCE (THIRTEENTH CENTURY)
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| Love in the Graveyard |
| 05.09.04 (11:33 pm) [edit] |
![]() =http://img39.photobucket.com/...
Do you know what you just did to me?
You just fullfilled my most desired fantasy...
and do you know what was the best thing about it?
I always imagined when I had sex in the graveyard... it would be... sex in the graveyard..
But it was more than that...
Because I love you... and I know that you love me..
It was love in the graveyard..
Lying there beneath that tree I have so often..
But in a totally new way..
I loved the feel of you inside me.
Everything around us standing still and at peace.
Looking into your eyes as you rocked beneath me.
The pleasure was so intense...
Did you feel it?
It was so awesome... I believe everytime we make love it becomes more intense for me..
And I believe I want you even more the next time...
You feel so powerful between my legs,
Your thrusts send waves inside me that I almost can't control, and this is why I ask you to slow down...
You are so passionate sometimes its overwhelming.
When I first met you I would have never imagined us in heated moments as we have been, as specially as we were moments ago, under a tree, the wind perfectly blowing upon our skin, the gravestones cloaking our sillouettes, amongst the forever slumbering, with the stars bearing witness to our desires. No I could never have imagined such moments. Nor could I have ever imagined that my love for you would be as great as it has become.
Oh my Dark Angel, you awaken something in me.
I want to release it upon you, feel the slippery substance running down your length.
Can we go back there...
Can we make love amongst the stones, upon the grass, beneath the tree over and over...
I wanted so to lay with you.
To collapse beside you and just fall asleep in your arms and remain so until sun rise.
And now images of your hand on my shoulder and another on my hips as you bend me over a perfectly positioned stone fill my mind...
Or perhaps you above me as I lay across one of tombs in the field pounding away in your powerful thrusts, your hair flowing across your face in the wind, and your eyes passoinately intently locked upon mine. So many images of what we just did and what we could do are filling my senses at this moment.
I think we just opened something inside me,,,
And I think I like it
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| Hurt |
| 05.09.04 (6:48 am) [edit] |
Maybe I'm over reacting... I do tend to feel extremely crushed when my feelings are hurt,,, and I do tend to get them hurt easily...
Not to say that I don't have a valid reason for being hurt... I definately have a right to feel hurt... it was an emotionally hurtful thing.
Perhaps this is all my fault..
I allowed myself to become completely consumed by someone almost to the point of obssession.. errrr... well ok yeah I'm obssessed. And I did it fully knowing what was going on...
From the start of it I knew I was going to be completely head over heels, mad, crazy, totally into him. And I let myself,,,
I totally said to myself that I didn't want to try to control or smother my feelings for him.. I wanted to feel what I was feeling because it was a 'good' thing. And I had feelings that I had never had before, thus I was scared if I tried to manipulate or deny any feelings I had, then I may be missing out on something real.
And now here I sit...
Hurt...
Wondering what is going on his head... what is going on in his heart... wondering where I am in the mix of all his thoughts and feelings... wondering why... why is it that he can look at me and supposedly so into me, call me anothers name...
Why do people do that..
I have...
But it wasn't like they were on my mind or anything.. it was more like I had been around the person so much and so long that it was routine and a reflex sorta to call their name in general everday things...
And sure others are on my mind at times but not to the point that I would confuse the person I love with them... by no means... normally if someone else is on my mind it's not positive thoughts I have of them anyway...
And of course this is the way 'I' am and not the way others are...
But in general... if you mention someone more than usual, you think about them more than usual, or they are on your mind so that thier name is stuck in your head... as specially if this is someone you have not had in your life for some time... then there must be something more...
Do you agree???
All I know is now I'm gonna wonder if its me he's thinking about or someone else...
My heart hurts..
I lay here in the floor last night until now... feeling like theres a brick inside my chest... feeling like I could throw up my stomach is in such knots... closing my eyes and seeing his looking into mine,,,
Yes I'm hurt...
But as always... I'll get over it... and then there will be a next time... and I'll lay here typing my feelings out on the fucking keypad wishing I could throw the dam thing out the fucking window...
I used to feel so much better to get my feelings out here, but lately it doesn't offer much comfort...
Lately my comfort has come from the touch of his hands.. the gaze of his stare... his compassion and understanding... the love of his heart... I have not had to come to this place in which I'm not even sure where it is or where it goes or who it reaches... I've had somewhere...
And suddenly this morning...
A feeling consumes me that I've not had in a very long time...
I am lost...
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| Bathtime |
| 05.08.04 (3:48 pm) [edit] |
I lay here in this steaming hot water and my mind as always is on you.
Your smile, your eyes, the way you laugh, the way you speak to me, the way you touch me.
Always spinning thinking about every detail of our time together and remembering you from my memory.
I lie flat on the floor of the tub with my ears slightly submersed in the water so that all sound is drowned from my ears, I hear the thunder of the running water beating down into the tub.
I remember us in the shower.
I was lying on the floor of your shower and you were above me, the shower raining down on us was cool because we had run out most of the hot water from our extended bathtime leading to other things.
Your long wet hair around me in that tarzanic style you carry so well.
I was so nervous but it was so invigorating. To have you touching me in places normally only I touch in the sanctity of the shower, in that situation, to be totally nude and exposed to you, I felt... free...
The radio singing a song that I never even paid attention to because all I could see was your blue eyes taking me in and I wanted to take you in so badly... all of you,,, in every way...
I reallize I am very turned on from this sensual memory of you... and I have to touch myself... the beating water echoes in my ears beneath the surface and I pull my legs up to me easing down to where faucet is set allowing the water to beat upon my freshly shaven lips I take my fingers spreading them apart so that my clit recieves the thundering pulse of warmth. I close my eyes..
I can see your eyes gazing at me as you do when you have your tounge on me there. I imagine you are there now...
Your hair resting on my thighs, on my stomach, with my hands and fingers tangled into it length as you kiss and slurp away between my slit
The water is filling in the tub minimizing the intensity of the flow upon my swollen spot and I am frustrated... lifting myself to the faucet it feels almost as if it's actually a head job, however nothing compared to the spit from your mouth and the flick of your tongue against my hardened clit, I am definately in full fantasy of your tongue teasing pleasure. The way you kiss me there soars through my brain as the pounding water is hitting just the right spot and I cum jerkingly into the water...
And I lay here missing you so...
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