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| Isolation |
| 04.25.04 (10:04 am) [edit] |
Knock Knock, who the fuck is there? Do you not see the sign? Don't you even care? knocking knocking how can you be so rude? Violation of my Isolation caught in the nude. Excuses you can puke on for desecrating my sanctum for the day, why the fuck won't you just GO AWAY!!! Shut the fuck up, I don't care what you need, will you just leave me alone so that I may fucking bleed. Where did the night go? What's up with this sun? Even mother nature seems to have me on the run... Go away daylight, I pray for the moon, I should have been here all along, locked inside this tomb. My time is running out, my isolation is ending, How can I steal more time to complete this comprehending. I want to run away, hide from all who can see, I wish to be invisible, or just not to be me. Darkness Darkness Darkness,,, I do so long, tell me Mr. Clock Maker,,, do you hear my song? Digging Digging Digging,,, I feel the shuffling in my mind, Secret place of solitude no longer mine... stolen, ripped away, opened without keys, do you not reallize who is really me? Keep myself to myself, my thoughts are my own, words are yours if I choose not to be alone, Crawling away hoping you don't follow, will you just go away so that I can fucking wallow? No not you, you not them, them not them, but those, those wretched mortals, who think that they know. Many people in the lines of this crap, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I love you, I need you but I don't, sometimes I just want to be alone. I know you are there I still feel you with me, patiently awaiting the return of my sanity. I wish you could understand how fucked up I am, It's not you it's me, psychobabbling Sam.. all the puzzle peices strown on the ground, do you know they will not be found? Ringing Ringing the phone is ringing in the other room,,, who the fuck is that,,, entering my tomb? Ring mother fucker for all that you can, I will ignore your ringing in this forsaken land... forsaken yes, desperate feeling of old, nothing for you, I have always felt cold. I had a dream last night, of being alone. I'm waiting for a bus that doesn't ever come. I search for a way out, but there is none, I sit there all day tortured by the sun. I don't understand why, when the bus brought me here, I see it on the hill on the horizon, but it doesn't draw near, It's parked and empty the driver is inside, and I cannot get off the hill in which I hide. I see my family,,, I follow them to a building, many rooms inside I know my help lies within, I knock on many doors but no answer or reply, I know you are in there so why do you hide, will you not help me, anyone in here? If I didn't want you, then you would be near. Waiting to assist, longing to comfort me, but in my time of need, you are no where to be. I knock and knock on every door there, yet no one comes to answer my prayer. Back to reallity the phone is ringing again, who the fuck is on the other end? I will never know because I will not pick it up,,, so whoever you are shut the fuck up!
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| .:Wizard:. |
| 04.13.04 (9:02 pm) [edit] |
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I long to drink from you mouth, withold your kiss from me and give me what it is you drink instead. Open your lips and pour your already warmed drink into my accepting mouth. My mouth waters in anticipation of the already enjoyed fluid which has tickled your tastebuds. I feel you... the hair on your chest curled upon my fingers, your arm so warm beneath my fingertips as I glide them across your skin, up to your neck which waits so patiently for my sinking kiss. I pause upon the vein which so beckons me and feel the blood pulsing beneath your inviting skin, and again my mouth waters. Our hands fit so perfectly together, entwined fingers dance a dance that seems practiced for many lifetimes. Your eyes in mine, what are you searching for... stop searching for you have already found me, I am here why can't you see me? Or do you fear to see me? I love you,,, I feel it when I look at you, I feel it when you look at me. An addiction to your touch I have acquired somehow. I long for it when we are apart. And now so desperately I am without you to the point I feel I can't go on. My soulmate, flesh of my flesh, my immortal love, we vowed to continue this dance even in death. I see you in the darkness,,, above me with your eyes fixed upon mine so intensely as our bodies come together in a fevered passion... lust... a funny thing to experience such an emotion that accompanies love but has nothing to do with it. I do love you... but I lust you as much. I see your wizard... his long beard beside me... bracing my hands above my head as your thrusts become harder... I bite on the wizard's hat, hoping to draw your blood, to feel your bittersweet nectar upon my lips would be heaven to me right now. Silver links between my teeth... The steel cool and metallic upon my tongue,,, silver links. You shake and you jerk,,, quivering collapsing upon me, I am happy, childishly happy.
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| My Friend Darkness |
| 04.13.04 (8:36 pm) [edit] |
Welcome darkness,,, you may linger for your presence comforts me. I understand you for you are my understanding, and perhaps the only one who understands me. Painted upon the walls of my mind and echoing your hollow melodic chants in the shadows of my heart, I am happy you abide with me in this lonesome realm of no significance. My ever so faithful companion in a world of solitude, do not fear me for I fear you not, nay I fear you not. You are me... a piece of my soul separated somehow from this worthless body which I long to vacate. Somehow you have broken free and linger with me as my dark gardian of protection. My ever so loyal angel of the night who saves me. Yes you save me, everyday you save me from that in which I would become without you... like them. Routinely scurrying about a nonexistent endless day after day ritual of what is called living... an uneventful existence which doesn't really seem like existing at all to me.
The graveyard calls to me tonight... beckoning I hear the telepathic whispering in my mind to come and find peace with you, and I would love to go.
Restlessness in my heart, in my mind... I need your calming hymn of nothingness to soothe me in my weariness. Why do I need you so, as specially tonight?
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| God of Deception Demon of Lies |
| 04.08.04 (3:50 pm) [edit] |
I'm on the edge today. Mind spinning in a tainted cloud of chaos. I'm falling...
Madness creeps past me in the shadows. It reaches out and brushes against me and I feel the sharp agony pierce my skull as it screams inside my head.
I know your trick.. you would wish me to run in search of an escape from you. But in actuallity I would be running to you. I've seen you before and I know how you work. Don't play games with me you wretched weaver of disaster. Tragedy runs through your veins, to drink of it only brings about suffering and torment. Insanity lies within your lips, to kiss them causes the victim to forget all things real and fall into forgetfullness. Nothingness is found inside your heart, to love you only brings about darkened loneliness which traps those who try to warm you into the cold dark hollow prison of your soul to be forgotten forever.
I must find peace, I must find quiet, I must sort through the thoughts spinning uncontrollably inside my mind. If I could only reach out and grab you. I would control you and end your trickery. But I cannot.
I can only control myself and the way I percieve your torment. I will not suffer for you... I will not dwell in misery for you... you have no power here... I will not go easily... I am not a strong warrior... but I am stubborn prey... you will soon grow weary of the battle. I cannot win but you cannot defeat me either. So take up your chaotic ramblings, take your manipulating messages, take your tainted offerings and your disguised revelations... take all that you think you have against me and shove it up your ass you good for nothing clit sucker! Get outta my face A M I T I E L you demon prince of deception!!!!
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| Get the Fuck Out!!! |
| 04.08.04 (3:23 pm) [edit] |
What are you doing here?
Were you invited?
Hell No! I dont even know you mother fucker!
Who do you think you are?
How could you make yourself at home in my presence
As if I want you here!
If I wanted you here I would have asked you to come!
What happened to manners? What about being polite?
What of tresspassing and bullying your way into someone
s life in which you are unwanted?!!!
I say unwanted.. but if you had allowed me to make the decision I would have welcomed you with open arms... but you have to violate my privacy and disrespect my home!
Get the Fuck Out of my house, get the fuck out of my sight, Get the Fuck away from my face! Get the Fuck Out!!!
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| Not Afraid To Die |
| 04.08.04 (1:11 pm) [edit] |
I'm not scared to Die
I'm afraid of other people dying.
the moment in life that our paths
Are together is so brief.
I'm scared of not meeting them
Along the path again.
I know that when we die it's not the end.
I know that we go somewhere,
And I'm not scared of where I'm going.
But I'm scared of not knowing where they are.
I remember them...
But our time is forgotten and no longer.
I'm not scared to die...
I just don't want you to die...
let me die instead.
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